New Ideas Gone Wrong
by Lil KhaoZ
Summary: Harry has lost his ways when he cant use technology.So how does he cope?He finds another way................
1. The Computer & Hogwarts

**Chapter 1 – The Computer!**

It had been several months after the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. Harry was so sick and tired so he had ordered a computer for personal use. He was setting it up when Dobie came in.

"What on Earth is that Harry Potter has?" Dobie inquired as he entered the room to find Harry fiddling with a strange looking piece of equipment.

"It's a computer, what did you think it was?" Harry responded

"Dobie asks what that might be."

Harry chuckled. "That was hilarious, Dobie. Sounded like you said you didn't know what a computer was."

"Dobie did...say that."

Harry looked long and hard at Ron. "You got to be kidding me. Okay Ill show but first how would you like to help me set this up?"

"Dobie asks ...Harry Potter what he likes me...to do."

"You can start by plugging this into that hole" said Darren, handing Dobie a pluggy thingy.

Dobie shoved it into the hole.

Then he pulled it out.

Then he stuck it in again.

"Okay thats enough"

"I need to go online to chat to some of my friends later"

"Dobie thinks online...sounds good...whatever it is...sir"

"I'll even hook you up with an e-mail address!"

"Dobie would like to ask is a...E-mail address...edible sir?"

"No, but if you have an e-mail address, you can go on eBay, and you can order food from there. They'll deliver it right to the school!"

"Dobie likes...the computer...so far, sir"

Just then, Serverus Snape walked in.

"WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS ABOMINATION? JUST WAIT TILL I TELL DUMBLEDORE.ITS GONNA GET CARTED STRAIGHT OFF TO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST.I WARNED THEM ABOUT YOU BUT WOULD THEY LISTEN NOOOO AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ABOMINATION!! I CANT BELIVE THIS NEVER IN ALL MY YEARS-"

"Snape! How would you like your very own e-mail address?" Harry interrupted

"I REFUSE TO SUPPORT THE ABOMINATION!"

"You can go on eBay and buy _anything you want_!"

"_NO_!"

"You can instant-message to _anybody anywhere_!"

"Not interested!"

"Dobie would like to tell Severus Snape that there are...dating websites...especially for Mr. Antagonist! which is you" Dobie offered.

Snape went from looking angry to surprisingly happy in the space of one millisecond.

"Well why didn't you say so? Get me onto LavaLife. And this doesn't mean I approve of the Abomination!"

"I don't even want to know how he knows about LavaLife." Harry said, as he logged onto the internet.

"All right, what do you want your addresses to be?"

Several minutes later, each had their own e-mail address, and Dobie and Snape were eager to learn about what they could do with their own address.

"Dobie would like very much to investigate this _eBay_...Harry Potter mentioned."

"No, LavaLife first", Snape requested

"Dobie said it first EBAY!"

"As a teacher of Hogwarts you are to stand down and it will be LavaLife first!"

"Snape we are going to EBay to make everyone happy, we're going order some supplies. We can have a computer in every single room of Hogwarts. And we need iPods. And stereos. Refrigerators. Phones. Couches. A few days away and Hogwarts is about to go through a _Extreme Makeover, Wizard Edition."Harry explained_

"Dobie doesn't know...what any of those things are...but Dobie likes them." Dobie replied

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO USE THE ABOMINATION TO RUIN WHAT HAS BEEN OUR HOME FOR CENTURIES!" Snape shrieked.

Harry grinned. "I'm not ruining Hogwarts; I'm just giving it some touches! And if you don't stop complaining, I'm not helping you post your profile on LavaLife."

Snape signed. "How soon can those other computers get here?"

"I'll take care of it. But you to have to get out so I can send some e-mails."

"To who?" Snape inquired.

"Hermione Granger " Dobie snickered.

* * *

**Lil KhaoZ™ ProductionZ **

This page was last modified on 16 June 2008, at 14:48.  
Lil KhaoZ is a registered trademark of the TT Foundations


	2. Wizard Swears!

**Chapter 2 – The Wizard Swears!**

Soon after sending emails to Hermione she replied she will deliver them to Hogwarts as soon as possible.She asks them to call in a few days due to some E Bay meeting.

"Hey how come we have to send emails to her, why can't we send to other muggles?"Snape asked

"Because she works at E Bay stupid"

"Who are you calling stupid?" Snape fiercely answer back.

He takes out his wand preparing to attack Harry. Dobie steps up and protects Harry with a spell that knocks Snape forward, hitting a window.Snape, knocked out, leaves Harry and Dobie in a happy state.

"That's for making Dobie an e-mail account"

"Dobie, do you want to go on any other websites other than E Bay?"Harry asks

"Dobie would be most happy to if Harry Potter agrees with"

"Okay then let's go to this website called Wizard Bebo"

"Dobie would like to ask Harry Potter what that is."

"That is called a wizardry social networking site."

"Is wizardry...social...networking...site...edible sir?"

"No it's a place where all the wizards in the world gather and talk to friends about anything."

"Dobie likes this...wizard...Bebo."

After logs into Bebo, Harry checks his friends list. When scrolling down the last page Harry points out to Dobie Dumbledore's Bebo page

"Oh good wizards, Professor Dumbledore posted a list of words that are ban from Hogwarts."Harry shrieked.

"I didn't know that wizards have swears"

"Of course they do Harry Potter; they are called Wizard Swears sir"

"Some like cauldron bum or son of a banshee sir"

"Dobies favorite is swish and flicker sir"

Mrs McGonagall walks in and shocked to hear such language

"Excuse me, but do I detect foul mouthiness?"

"Oh no Mrs McGonagall"

"VOLDEMORTS BUM!"screams Dobie

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Dobie!" replies Harry

"I refuse to have this spew in my presence house elf!"

"DRAGON BOOGIE!"Shrieks Dobie

All remains silent and they all look at Dobie. Staring blankly they all are surprise to see a house elf speak like this.

"RUN DOBIE RUN!"Shouts Harry

Harry cautiously screams "Expecto Petrolum!"

And they all disappeared from sight.Mrs McGonall search the whole room for them but nothing. The computer and Snape had also disappeared from view but McGonall never saw Snape.

Soon after they are in another room. Snape also wakes up to find them in the basement where all is peace and quiet. Snape soon remembers what happens and screams at them

"How dare you attack a teacher at Hogwarts you filthy leprechaun taints!"

"Sorry Snape but do you still want to go on Lava life.If do please be quiet "Harry replies

"Oh all right...now what were you guys up to when I was out?"

"Oh don't worry"

"Dobie would like to suggest lets do a prank call"

"Okay"

"Well Harry & Dobie you better make this funny"

Ring...ring...ring...ring

"Hello, Lord Voldemort speaking"

"Wizard Poo!"

"What? You kids, if I ever find out whose calling me I will call the witch police & you will go to jail and also I will kill you"

Then suddenly _**Ms McGonall walked in with**_ _**Professor Dumbledore**_..._**.**_

* * *

**Lil KhaoZ™ ProductionZ **

This page was last modified on 16 June 2008, at 15:35.  
Lil KhaoZ is a registered trademark of the TT Foundations


	3. New Ideas Gone Wrong

**Chapter 3 – New Ideas Gone Wrong**

After a suspension from the computer incident Harry, Dobby & Snape lost their privileges using technology.So they all had to find another way to get entertained and receive news from Hermione.Harry just tol dthem to give up about Hermione & so they did

Dobby thought of something really shifty" Dobby is telling Mr. Harry Potter sir to get girlfriends sir."

"Dobby that's a great idea how come we never thought of this "Harry Shouted

Snape agreed to find a hot teacher in Hogwarts or just to return to work. All 3 agreed to find someone and take them out for a date. Harry & Dobie ran back to the Dining Hall and check around. Snape cast a invisible spell and walking around the ladies lounge. Harry found Rons sister Ginny hot so he went up to her and asked her out.

**10 minutes later...**

_You don't care about her._ Harry told himself. _Ginny is a waste of your time._

_Yeah, well, then why are you sitting in a closet floor in the Hogwarts kitchens, eating expired cheese?_

_Good point._

And so the argument went. Ginny had dumped him just a few minutes after being asked out when she suspected him of putting a fart bomb on her seat. Which brought him to another argument?

_Why does she think it's me? It's probably Dobbie and Snape playing a prank!_

_Well, you did tell her she looked beautiful in polka dots when she brought the robes to you to cheer her up._

_So what! She does look beautiful in polka dots!_

_Well, it's no use worrying about it now. Better get out of this closet. Maybe some Forgetful elixir will ease the pain ?Nah maybe later._

He got up, and turned the closet door. Well, he _would_ have opened it, if the door knob hadn't fallen off.

_Great. Just what I need. What did I do to deserve this??_

_Harry sits back and remembers what he did 5 minutes ago.So I threw Colin's camera in the lake, "accio" was when I turn my underpants into butterflies, and handed in Ebay complaint form with my name on it, having Hermione fired, and when she asked why I did it, I told her she shouldn't worry anyway because Ebay goin g to have Michael Jackson take over her job._

_Oh My Bloody Voldemorts !_

Now Harry was mad.

"HELP!" he screamed, like an angry gorilla. "I'M STUCK IN A CLOSET!!"

He started pounding his fists on the door. Not a good idea, because when it finally opened, he fell on the floor.

"Dobby is hearing Mr. Harry Potter sir in need of help, sir. What can Dobby do for you, Mr. Harry Potter, sir?"

"Dobby?" said Harry, still faces down on the floor. "Err...help?"

Thirty minutes later Harry was off the floor bruised, ready to go back to the common room. Just as he was opening the doors, he heard...

"Wait, Mr. Harry Potter sir! Dobby is seeing something on the back of your robes!"

Harry turned around three times before seeing what Dobby was talking about, by which time the entire kitchen was filled with the foul smell of his own stored fart bombs.

_Oh Great. I sat on my own bombs in the closet. Just great._

So Harry had a meeting once again & said he wanted to have his life returned back to a place with no more technology. They all probably agreed and Harry went back to take the elixir. He poured some in Snape & Dobby's drink. They drank first and fainted. Eventually Harry took some and fainted as well.

A new life once again resprung when he was awoken by Hermione telling him to wake up. Harry woke up and saw Ron and Hermione by his side. Snape & Dobby wasn't there so he knew he was alright. So just in case he asked "Have you ever heard of EBay?

"No why?" Ron replied

"What's the year?" Harry quickly asked

"Oh it's the year 2000"

"OH DAMMIT! WRONG POTION"... _to be continued._

* * *

**Lil KhaoZ™ ProductionZ **

This page was last modified on 16 June 2008, at 15:35.  
Lil KhaoZ is a registered trademark of the TT Foundations


	4. Back In The Days

**Chapter 4 - Back in The Days **

After drinking the elixir of Brainwash, Harry, Ron & Hermione rush to their next class. It was all like nothing had happened during their time with Snape. Harry & Ron rush to get the last table and made it first. Hermione came and sat on right of harry.

Snape begins **"I am Snape, the Potions Master. Welcome to Potions Class."**

Ron then screams" Yay Potions".

"Hello Snape, What are we going to learn today professor?"Asks Hermione

"**The beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with the shimmering fumes"**

"Oh not this again" Harry replies

"**The delicate power of liquids that creep though human veins"**

"EEEEWWWW" Ron answers in a disgusted voice

"**Bewitching the mind & snaring the senses"**

"AAUUURRRGGGHHH" Hermione shivers as if it was cold

"**I can teach you how to bottle faint" **

"Nah don't need it" Harry answers

"**Poo mixing"**

"Oh la la" Ron replies happily.

"**Even put a stop to Death"**

"NO you can't" Harry shouts

"**I can teach the powers of mystical fluids"**

"EErrrhhh okay "Replies Harry anxiously

"**Enchanted juice...Wizard liquids"**

"WOW "Ron sarcastically responds

Snape then changes his mood with a happy grin. He talks with a strengthen voice as if extremely manly but he continues to talk but changes a little to the subject of women...

"**The cool feminine curves of a potions flask"**

"Go on" Says Hermione

"**The titty-lating smell of the fresh elixir"**

"Is this it"? Harry asks randomly

"**I can teach you how to pickle victory"**

"Pickle bictorii?"Ron asks

"**How to secrete success"**

"Oh My" Hermione says in a shocked voice

"**Even score with hot babes!"**

"Oh righ...Wait what? You can do that" Harry asks rapidly.

Snape smiles and calls out **"Class dismissed"**

"Wait, Wait hang on, Hot Babes? I need to learn more" Harry says

"**Ssshhhooo Mr Potter"**

"Teach Me" Harry begs

"**No, Shad oodles off to your next class young man"**

As the class is quiets and empty, Snape turns back and packs his thing, when Professor Dumbledore comes in and talks about the class a little before asking a few questions.

"**So what is it you want?"**

"I need to borrow some wizard liquids"

"**I'm fresh out sir"**

"How about enchanted juice"

"**Nope"**

"Uummm what about Expired Gorilla Milk?"

"**Oh that has no magical properties ...sir."**

Dumbledore fresh out of his mind, changes his mind to something else in Snape's potion list but soon forgets and says...

"Oh Dam, Snapeadoodle it's done a wonder on my bowels."

**"Okay...Whatever, this way"..._to be continued_  
**

* * *

**Lil KhaoZ™ ProductionZ **

This page was last modified on 16 June 2008, at 15:35.  
Lil KhaoZ is a registered trademark of the TT Foundations


End file.
